"Things that make you smile": A cheat sheet for those unfair questions from the press
Just print it out and peek when you need it. My gift to you!
Should you be running for Vice President and a journalist asks a question like, “What newspapers and magazines do you read?” Well — that’s a tough one. I get it. You’re expecting a question that voters really want to know, like, “So how great are you, really?” or “Skinny jeans, am I right?” Instead, you get a zinger that no one could ever possibly answer correctly.
But 16 years later, there will come a question from the press for a different Vice Presidential candidate that made that first one look like a softball.
I’m talking about the super-duper extra-tough and totally partisan question, “What makes you smile?”
Well.
That is just next-level unfair and there may be no more fitting example of the based democrat fake news media than this.
I mean, all you’re doing is applying for the second-highest elected job in the entire government and they start throwing gotcha questions at you? During an interview?
Of course the right thing to do is head directly up to HR. Make sure they have that one on file.
But…
What if it happens again?
What if you are the Vice Presidential candidate for the United States of America, the no-good failing journalists have not learned their lesson and days later, someone pulls that zinger on you again?
I am here to help.
May I present:
Things That Make You Smile: A Handy List of Answers for Future Vice Presidential Candidates to Have on Hand During Press Conferences
It’s not a complete list, of course, but I really hope it helps.
My family
Monday Night Football
The sound of children laughing
Unlimited breadsticks at Olive Garden
The sign over my desk that says “Work Hard, Play Hard”
When everyone does the BUM BUM BUMs together during Sweet Caroline
Being the kind of guy who is equally comfortable in a tux or a t-shirt
Winning the exact number of Dave & Busters tickets you need for the Luigi plush
Paying the toll for the stranger in the car behind me
Having friends who are women. So many of them! I think one of them is named Laura.
Straws made from real plastic, the way God intended them
Santa Claus
Soup
Forced birth
The sound of the falling snow
Kittens (but maybe not their owners)
Hey, JD, if you think that an offensive question, imagine being being told to smile more because it'll make you more acceptable to the half of the human race who thinks you're incompetent simply because you don't have a penis.
LMAOOO noted