Ah, Liz. Every single word. Can't begin to say how precisely All Those Things. (like Jessica, like so many of us). It is beyond gobsmacking that there's this thing we do, we throw our entire heart and soul into supporting the full (enough) development of a human being, whom we would do anything for; anything to protect; anything at all. And then the finest sign of success is that they leave, as effortlessly as possible! Simply take flight and are... well. Not entirely gone. But my daughter is heading for your town tomorrow, for the beginning of her sophomore year, and the ache is still unfathomable. (And you KNOW how far away I am from Brooklyn.)
Just: love to those two shaky hands; may she fly unfettered and may the wind be under her wings; may you get signs that she is really-and-truly okay; may you all find your way.
Thank you for sharing this. All of it. And mazel tov to all of y'all, while I'm at it.
Oh man Pauly, you put this perfectly as you always do. Thank you for this. And you let me know if your daughter needs anything at all... as you know. 💕
My kids are 6 and 4 and I always hear how fast it’s going to pass. Of course it never feels that way in the hard moments but looking back it feels like they were both babies just yesterday. Sending you love as you deal with this hard transition!
I still think of 6+4 specifically because that's when I remember thinking "oh, it just got SO FUN." Yes it passes fast, though it doesn't feel that way in the early years. Which is why we never believe it. xo
If you need something to plan, might a suggest a little beginners guide to not living with A Mom. A quick list, a notebook whatever you have time for.
I had dial up and Ask Jeeves when I went to college, so it is probably easier with smart phones and Google. But I have a distinct memory of my roommates and I staring at each wondering how you knew if chicken had gone bad and would kill you. Or what temperature you were suppose to set the thermostat to at night.
Ha, whenever someone asks me a basic question like what time the bank closes, I refer to the "google machine right there in your hand" -- so hopefully they've got their fact-searching skills down by now. But you're so right about that wonderful experience of learning what you (really really) don't know.
I love your beginners guide idea. That's just lovely.
Moving out with Google would be such a blessing lol. I’m glad I learned so much about the isosceles triangle theorem in school, and not that when you go to a bakery you can ask them to slice the bread for you. Or that 2 pounds of sliced meat at the deli is A LOT.
Re-reading the previous post and then this one was such a good idea. It made me feel less alone! Mine is sticking around home a while longer, but I am thinking and feeling all these things. It really does all boil down to, "OMG BUT HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE."
Beautiful essay, Liz! We just dropped our older daughter off for sophomore year at Syracuse, and our younger daughter is a high school senior so we’ll be back on the college application roller coaster 🎢 in the coming weeks and months.
I found that with our older daughter, I did so much anticipatory grieving that the actual drop off wasn’t as hard as I had feared. Plus she was so happy and excited, which helped a great deal. The parent Facebook pages are good for a laugh if you can tolerate them...talk about 🚁 parents!
Hang in there, Liz - big hugs to you, and thank you for verbalizing what so many of us are feeling right now 💗
Syracuse is an amazing school -- congrats to her! And I get the back-to-back college coaster rides big time. I sobbed my eyes out after dropping off L last year, but yes, we knew how ready she was for us to leave and that was reassuring in its own way. Thanks for all the support as always, Shannon. xo
I have sworn many times over the years that you can read what’s in my mind. Our kids are very close in age and I’ve followed since the yearly days. Once again you nailed my feelings. My oldest moved back to campus to start their 2nd year last week. In their own apartment for the first time. It’s the same as last year with the dorm, but so different too. My youngest is starting his senior year. I’m being hit with all the feelings all the time! I know they have it- but a part of me wishes their wings weren’t so ready to fly.
We are very much on the same page. Next year, we'll have 2 in college, plus one hs senior and one hs sophomore. I don't think we're gettin off this ride for quite a while. Good luck with the craziness of senior year -- hope it goes smoothly and with reasonable wingspan limits.
Liz we dropped our oldest off for her sophomore year a few days ago. It was a much different experience than her freshman year. It was so hard to leave then… my younger daughter and I burst out crying and we were both misty for about a week. Then we got used to it, but still missed her deeply… and she went to college in Brooklyn (we’re about an hour away). You’re right, it’s a rite of passage and the beginning of the rest of their lives… but I can’t say I don’t miss my little girl nearly every second. Her empty room kills me a little each day. I’ll stop being a drama queen now.
Sending you hugs. It’s a hard thing to go from taking care of so much for them and then now they are on their own. When they turn 18 and the doctors won’t let you make appointments for them anymore. It’s hard to cut the apron strings.
I have no advice, no words of wisdom, nothing. A photo of my only's move in day popped up yesterday. She graduated last spring, and now is working her dream job. I can only sit with everyone and share the moments.
Ah, Liz. Every single word. Can't begin to say how precisely All Those Things. (like Jessica, like so many of us). It is beyond gobsmacking that there's this thing we do, we throw our entire heart and soul into supporting the full (enough) development of a human being, whom we would do anything for; anything to protect; anything at all. And then the finest sign of success is that they leave, as effortlessly as possible! Simply take flight and are... well. Not entirely gone. But my daughter is heading for your town tomorrow, for the beginning of her sophomore year, and the ache is still unfathomable. (And you KNOW how far away I am from Brooklyn.)
Just: love to those two shaky hands; may she fly unfettered and may the wind be under her wings; may you get signs that she is really-and-truly okay; may you all find your way.
Thank you for sharing this. All of it. And mazel tov to all of y'all, while I'm at it.
Oh man Pauly, you put this perfectly as you always do. Thank you for this. And you let me know if your daughter needs anything at all... as you know. 💕
My kids are 6 and 4 and I always hear how fast it’s going to pass. Of course it never feels that way in the hard moments but looking back it feels like they were both babies just yesterday. Sending you love as you deal with this hard transition!
I still think of 6+4 specifically because that's when I remember thinking "oh, it just got SO FUN." Yes it passes fast, though it doesn't feel that way in the early years. Which is why we never believe it. xo
I feel seen!
Such beautiful writing. An evocative essay far better a keepsake from this nerve-jangled time than a photo could ever be.
I will still keep both :)
I am here for you, girl. #year2
Didn't we write essays about our toddlers for your anthology like seven minutes ago? Oof.
I’m a year behind you and I CANNOT! Hugs and hugs and more hugs to you.
I loved this.
Thank you Ramona.
If you need something to plan, might a suggest a little beginners guide to not living with A Mom. A quick list, a notebook whatever you have time for.
I had dial up and Ask Jeeves when I went to college, so it is probably easier with smart phones and Google. But I have a distinct memory of my roommates and I staring at each wondering how you knew if chicken had gone bad and would kill you. Or what temperature you were suppose to set the thermostat to at night.
Ha, whenever someone asks me a basic question like what time the bank closes, I refer to the "google machine right there in your hand" -- so hopefully they've got their fact-searching skills down by now. But you're so right about that wonderful experience of learning what you (really really) don't know.
I love your beginners guide idea. That's just lovely.
Moving out with Google would be such a blessing lol. I’m glad I learned so much about the isosceles triangle theorem in school, and not that when you go to a bakery you can ask them to slice the bread for you. Or that 2 pounds of sliced meat at the deli is A LOT.
Thalia will be like her mom. A special student who is wonderful to have in class. Go terriers.
Tobe. Wow. Thank you. 🥺❤️🐾
Re-reading the previous post and then this one was such a good idea. It made me feel less alone! Mine is sticking around home a while longer, but I am thinking and feeling all these things. It really does all boil down to, "OMG BUT HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE."
You are really not alone -- as I hope you can see here. We got this. (Mostly.)
Beautiful essay, Liz! We just dropped our older daughter off for sophomore year at Syracuse, and our younger daughter is a high school senior so we’ll be back on the college application roller coaster 🎢 in the coming weeks and months.
I found that with our older daughter, I did so much anticipatory grieving that the actual drop off wasn’t as hard as I had feared. Plus she was so happy and excited, which helped a great deal. The parent Facebook pages are good for a laugh if you can tolerate them...talk about 🚁 parents!
Hang in there, Liz - big hugs to you, and thank you for verbalizing what so many of us are feeling right now 💗
Syracuse is an amazing school -- congrats to her! And I get the back-to-back college coaster rides big time. I sobbed my eyes out after dropping off L last year, but yes, we knew how ready she was for us to leave and that was reassuring in its own way. Thanks for all the support as always, Shannon. xo
💗💗
I have sworn many times over the years that you can read what’s in my mind. Our kids are very close in age and I’ve followed since the yearly days. Once again you nailed my feelings. My oldest moved back to campus to start their 2nd year last week. In their own apartment for the first time. It’s the same as last year with the dorm, but so different too. My youngest is starting his senior year. I’m being hit with all the feelings all the time! I know they have it- but a part of me wishes their wings weren’t so ready to fly.
We are very much on the same page. Next year, we'll have 2 in college, plus one hs senior and one hs sophomore. I don't think we're gettin off this ride for quite a while. Good luck with the craziness of senior year -- hope it goes smoothly and with reasonable wingspan limits.
Liz we dropped our oldest off for her sophomore year a few days ago. It was a much different experience than her freshman year. It was so hard to leave then… my younger daughter and I burst out crying and we were both misty for about a week. Then we got used to it, but still missed her deeply… and she went to college in Brooklyn (we’re about an hour away). You’re right, it’s a rite of passage and the beginning of the rest of their lives… but I can’t say I don’t miss my little girl nearly every second. Her empty room kills me a little each day. I’ll stop being a drama queen now.
You're not being a drama queen, you're being the loving mom you've always been. I'm here if your daughter needs anything at all. ❤️
Sending you hugs. It’s a hard thing to go from taking care of so much for them and then now they are on their own. When they turn 18 and the doctors won’t let you make appointments for them anymore. It’s hard to cut the apron strings.
Oof I learned that the hard way. "Mom can you change my doctor appointment for me in the online portal?" "Actually....no, I can't."
I know and these nurses know you but it doesn’t matter and you look at your kid and you still see a baby.
Loved reading your post, the same feelings I had when my daughter went to the army
Thank you Ori. You must be so proud of her service!
I have no advice, no words of wisdom, nothing. A photo of my only's move in day popped up yesterday. She graduated last spring, and now is working her dream job. I can only sit with everyone and share the moments.
You successfully raised a self-sufficient adult. That is next-next level, Jennifer. Wow.