A Valentine's Gift From Me To Me

Showing love toward yourself means you get to be the giver AND you get to be the receiver.

This morning I woke up, kissed my sweetheart, and wished him a happy Valentine’s Day. And then, as one does, I scrolled Instagram to confirm that the world was more or less still here.

I’m happy to report that it is! And that is good news to start your day, however much you do or don’t like Valentine’s Day.

One of the first things I came across in my feed was a quote from the poet Cleo Wade. While you may know how I feel about “good vibes only” style quotes, this was different.

She got me on the mislead. And then that P.S.? Gut punch.

Cleo Wade on Instagram

It hit.

It hit big time.

Because I know I’m not taking care of myself in the best ways.

I have felt so out of sync with my own body for a while now. I walk past mirrors and I am surprised each time that I’m not seeing a 28-year-old in a size 4 with a flat stomach and boobs that stay up by themselves. I am okay with this — I’ve refered to it on my podcast many times as “passing the hot baton” — time for someone else to be hot, I’ve had my turn! I just want to feel the right amount strong. I want to like how my clothes hang on me. I want to stop thinking that walking a mile to the store and back was “an active day.” I want to stop forgetting to eat until late-afternoon some days because I’m head-down working and end up ignoring my daily 12:30 P.M. iPhone alarm each weekday that says “DID YOU EAT YET”

And I know for a fact that my over-80 mom could outlast me in a Just Dance competition with the kids these days. Which, go Mom! She works hard to make that happen.

I often think of Angela Santomero’s line in her book Radical Kindness: The Life-Changing Power of Giving and Receiving that you should “love yourself enough to value your needs.”

I think that women, generally, and moms, specifically can be pretty crap at that.

I am pretty crap at that.

Cleo Wade reminded me of it this morning. Of course, in the nicest possible way.

You are your first love.
Take care of yourself.
-Cleo Wade

February 14 seemed as perfect a day as any to do something to take care of my first love. To figure out my needs, if only a very small one.

So I got out of bed before I had even done the crossword, made some coffee, grabbed a banana (before 3 P.M. no less!) and decided what I needed to do to take care of me… was dance.

I hate exercising. But I love dancing. So I danced.

40 minutes of an Apple Fitness+ class and cooldown later, with Jamiroquoi now running on a loop in my brain, I feel amazing. A little worried about my not-28-year-old knees… but generally amazing.

(Hopefully enough to do it again tomorrow; I’m pretty adept at setting activity goals and then dropping then when life gets in the way. A++ for me on that skill! )

Showing love toward yourself — in whatever way seems right — means you get to be the giver and you get to be the receiver.

Double the serotoniin.

Double the dopamine.

Double the endorphins.

Dobuble the oxytocin.

Not sure why I never thought about it in quite that way before.

Photo by Susn Matthiessen on Unsplash

I hope you’ll consider joining me today in giving a Valentine’s gift to your first love too. It can be a wildly indulgent chocolate truffle. It can be not doing the dishes. It can be sitting at your laptop and allowing yourself the time to write a Substack post, because that always gives you joy.

It just has to be for you. ❤️

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Gratitude Notes:

To Morra Aarons Mele, host of The Anxious Achiever Podcast, for her short interview with Lisa Orbe-Austin on What You Still Don’t Understand About Imposter Syndrome. It’s such a fascinating listen, with a lot of things that I needed to hear. You will learn something that will move you forward, even if you have never felt like an imposter in your life.

Read It Forward:

I have been reading and loving

Catherine Newman

’s writing since I was pregnant, devouring her columns on BabyCenter, and thinking how crazy it would be to one day have a child as old as FIVE. I’m lucky that today I can call her a friend (or at least an online friend), and I am so hapy she joined Substack this year with

Crone Sandwich

(ha). She describes it as a “a weird newsletter,” but I’d say it’s more ecclectic than weird, and always entertaining. Whenever she publishes, it makes me happy.

Kind of Obsessed:

These phone cases and tech accessories are so gorgeous, I went and bought myself the goth-y AirPods case with the black and red roses. Take a peek!

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