You've brilliantly played out a scenario that dominates many brains, and often, as we feel pulled and tugged in several directions at the same time. Sometimes it's an equivalent competition among competing values ... family - career - wallet - friends - reputation - life-death consequences for someone (or it feels like it is of that magnitude). I wonder too, 'will this be important a year from now' as I recall watching Neil Armstrong land on the moon, Olympians winning an over-the-top Gold, or watching coverage of the Cuban missile crisis. Where we are, in our lives and as a society, are things that I believe we ponder more carefully - and making our way through a pandemic has something to do with tha,t methinks! Brilliant column, as always, Lix .. well done.
All great questions. So thoughtful. Yes, this will be important a year from now -- but all of it will. As others have said, this is one drop of action in an entire sea and so...we keep going.
The people who say "If you don’t bother to show up, don’t bother to complain" are going to be the people who make others who WANT to support their efforts stop trying...and that will be the downfall of our efforts.
Everyone does what they can in their own way to make change. IMHO, the person who made that sign is no better than the MAGA people who tried to stir up trouble on Saturday. They are pushing away and denigrating efforts that could benefit all with their holier than thou attitude.
I was supposed to go, planned to go, and ended up in the emergency room with a friend who had an accident. Does that mean I stop calling my reps, sending letters, etc? I don't believe that is their intended outcome but for many people, that will be their response.
I have a lot more to say about this, and I am with you. Shame works with our elected representatives, but not generally with our intended allies. I hope your friend is OK! ❤️🩹
We do what we can. Don't beat yourself up for taking your daughter to visit colleges. Priorities matter. I couldn't make it either, but I am trying to make my voice heard in other ways.
Ugh. Well-meaning, that message. I mean, I want to believe it is. I hope it means “If you don’t try to participate in trying to change things, don’t complain that they’re not changing.” But of course it’s being twisted. 🤦🏻♀️
I’ll tell you what: You were doing something equally important, and anyone who’s read you for more than 5 minutes knows you are a participatory citizen. This was one event. It’s okay. (And I’m telling you that as someone dealing with my own needless guilt—it was 90 and sunny here on Saturday, and I ended up staying home, because with my POTS and heat intolerance, going would’ve meant passing out, which would’ve helped no one. Anyway.)
A Canadian friend recently asked in frustration if any of us are “doing anything” because she doesn’t see it. Some stuff is widely seen, some stuff isn’t. I hate that we’re automatically trying to quantify the importance of any given resistance action. It’s counterproductive. And in your case, you were continuing to allow your kid as much normalcy as possible, which I would argue is maybe even more important, anyway.
Tl;dr: Everything is terrible and every choice is hard, and I wish we could just figure it out without judging ourselves.
I know it comes from a place of fear. We need “numbers too great to ignore,” right? But I would hope nobody would really expect you to put your own health above attending a protest! It’s easy to forget that we all make a difficult choices, but our levels of difficulty are relative. MEANWHILE I do hope your Canadian friend now sees what she has been looking for.
I hear you. I would have liked to attend our local rally, but it was miserably rainy, and I had to prepare a dinner for our grandchildren because their parents are out of town. Just not enough energy to do everything.
And as you say, it is more important to do something good everyday than it is to attend one flashy event. Chris Williamson might not be your cup of tea, but today he posted some ideas that are very similar to the points you make in your post. There is a big difference between genuine empathy and performative empathy, that is, doing good as opposed to just looking good, https://chriswillx.com/3-minute-monday-toxic-compassion-diapers-liberation/
I understand and I’m sorry you could not do everything. Such is our life as humans. But phew - I appreciate you sharing this link because I really was not familiar with him. After poking around and reading his consistently misogynistic views, hard-right pseudo psychology, and defense of musk using some serious logical fallacies, I can safely say I’m not a fan. 😬 But hey, I learned something new.
Thank you for this. I also chose my family over a protest and part of me felt very guilty. My 70 year old aunt sent me a picture of her and her friends with their protest signs and it felt reassuring - not only were they out there, she knows I appreciate her and the work, because I’m doing it too, in my day to day life. So I called my reps today and I will keep showing up because one protest is important, but so are a lot of other things. 💙💙💙
My feeling on activism (and really, life in general) is that each action is one moment, which is both important in and of itself *and* not solely indicative of who we are and how we show up. Your heart is in this continually, Liz. And that's the fight we need.
You did the right thing, just as you’ve done every day since you became a mother. Your children know you care about each of them, all of us, and the world you live in. You have raised the generation that will be the next ones to rally, picket, write postcards, and demand justice. Wear it proudly.
Thanks for sharing this! I read a social post this weekend that hit me that said something to the effect of "silence is compliance." I was so angry! Just because I couldn't get to a protest this weekend doesn't mean that I'm not supportive of what's being protested. I'm a mom and caregiver to a kiddo with special needs. I have to purposely schedule my life every second of the day, ensuring coverage and care. If I could have been in one of those groups, I would have!
I would have done exactly what you chose to do. Such an important day for Sage. She may have to make a similar choice someday and will remember what you chose. You are in the reality of our current "world" situation every day you are in the micro and macro and moral moment of it all. Thank you so much for your Substack. This weekend was the MOM2.0 Meeting, that is where I first met the OG bloggers and Cool Mom Picks...so happy our paths crossed. Right now I am living part-time in LA so I live on Chicago and NY time with the news cycle, it is sometimes a struggle when I wake up three hours behind EDT and CDT. In two weeks there will be another protest on Saturday 4/19! xo
I'm out of the country and felt a lot of guilt, and a little FOMO. But, yes, doing good on the regular is as important. So, next time I'll see ya' there.
You've brilliantly played out a scenario that dominates many brains, and often, as we feel pulled and tugged in several directions at the same time. Sometimes it's an equivalent competition among competing values ... family - career - wallet - friends - reputation - life-death consequences for someone (or it feels like it is of that magnitude). I wonder too, 'will this be important a year from now' as I recall watching Neil Armstrong land on the moon, Olympians winning an over-the-top Gold, or watching coverage of the Cuban missile crisis. Where we are, in our lives and as a society, are things that I believe we ponder more carefully - and making our way through a pandemic has something to do with tha,t methinks! Brilliant column, as always, Lix .. well done.
All great questions. So thoughtful. Yes, this will be important a year from now -- but all of it will. As others have said, this is one drop of action in an entire sea and so...we keep going.
The people who say "If you don’t bother to show up, don’t bother to complain" are going to be the people who make others who WANT to support their efforts stop trying...and that will be the downfall of our efforts.
Everyone does what they can in their own way to make change. IMHO, the person who made that sign is no better than the MAGA people who tried to stir up trouble on Saturday. They are pushing away and denigrating efforts that could benefit all with their holier than thou attitude.
I was supposed to go, planned to go, and ended up in the emergency room with a friend who had an accident. Does that mean I stop calling my reps, sending letters, etc? I don't believe that is their intended outcome but for many people, that will be their response.
I have a lot more to say about this, and I am with you. Shame works with our elected representatives, but not generally with our intended allies. I hope your friend is OK! ❤️🩹
You made the right choice ❤️
We do what we can. Don't beat yourself up for taking your daughter to visit colleges. Priorities matter. I couldn't make it either, but I am trying to make my voice heard in other ways.
Keep fighting.
Amen
Ugh. Well-meaning, that message. I mean, I want to believe it is. I hope it means “If you don’t try to participate in trying to change things, don’t complain that they’re not changing.” But of course it’s being twisted. 🤦🏻♀️
I’ll tell you what: You were doing something equally important, and anyone who’s read you for more than 5 minutes knows you are a participatory citizen. This was one event. It’s okay. (And I’m telling you that as someone dealing with my own needless guilt—it was 90 and sunny here on Saturday, and I ended up staying home, because with my POTS and heat intolerance, going would’ve meant passing out, which would’ve helped no one. Anyway.)
A Canadian friend recently asked in frustration if any of us are “doing anything” because she doesn’t see it. Some stuff is widely seen, some stuff isn’t. I hate that we’re automatically trying to quantify the importance of any given resistance action. It’s counterproductive. And in your case, you were continuing to allow your kid as much normalcy as possible, which I would argue is maybe even more important, anyway.
Tl;dr: Everything is terrible and every choice is hard, and I wish we could just figure it out without judging ourselves.
I know it comes from a place of fear. We need “numbers too great to ignore,” right? But I would hope nobody would really expect you to put your own health above attending a protest! It’s easy to forget that we all make a difficult choices, but our levels of difficulty are relative. MEANWHILE I do hope your Canadian friend now sees what she has been looking for.
I hear you. I would have liked to attend our local rally, but it was miserably rainy, and I had to prepare a dinner for our grandchildren because their parents are out of town. Just not enough energy to do everything.
And as you say, it is more important to do something good everyday than it is to attend one flashy event. Chris Williamson might not be your cup of tea, but today he posted some ideas that are very similar to the points you make in your post. There is a big difference between genuine empathy and performative empathy, that is, doing good as opposed to just looking good, https://chriswillx.com/3-minute-monday-toxic-compassion-diapers-liberation/
I understand and I’m sorry you could not do everything. Such is our life as humans. But phew - I appreciate you sharing this link because I really was not familiar with him. After poking around and reading his consistently misogynistic views, hard-right pseudo psychology, and defense of musk using some serious logical fallacies, I can safely say I’m not a fan. 😬 But hey, I learned something new.
Thank you for this. I also chose my family over a protest and part of me felt very guilty. My 70 year old aunt sent me a picture of her and her friends with their protest signs and it felt reassuring - not only were they out there, she knows I appreciate her and the work, because I’m doing it too, in my day to day life. So I called my reps today and I will keep showing up because one protest is important, but so are a lot of other things. 💙💙💙
This is a beautiful perspective. Thank you. (And thanks to your aunt!)
My feeling on activism (and really, life in general) is that each action is one moment, which is both important in and of itself *and* not solely indicative of who we are and how we show up. Your heart is in this continually, Liz. And that's the fight we need.
You always know the right thing to say! And I am getting so much out of your Substack lately. xoxo
You did the right thing, just as you’ve done every day since you became a mother. Your children know you care about each of them, all of us, and the world you live in. You have raised the generation that will be the next ones to rally, picket, write postcards, and demand justice. Wear it proudly.
Crying for real. 😭❤️
Thanks for sharing this! I read a social post this weekend that hit me that said something to the effect of "silence is compliance." I was so angry! Just because I couldn't get to a protest this weekend doesn't mean that I'm not supportive of what's being protested. I'm a mom and caregiver to a kiddo with special needs. I have to purposely schedule my life every second of the day, ensuring coverage and care. If I could have been in one of those groups, I would have!
There are a lot of ways to get loud, right?
I would have done exactly what you chose to do. Such an important day for Sage. She may have to make a similar choice someday and will remember what you chose. You are in the reality of our current "world" situation every day you are in the micro and macro and moral moment of it all. Thank you so much for your Substack. This weekend was the MOM2.0 Meeting, that is where I first met the OG bloggers and Cool Mom Picks...so happy our paths crossed. Right now I am living part-time in LA so I live on Chicago and NY time with the news cycle, it is sometimes a struggle when I wake up three hours behind EDT and CDT. In two weeks there will be another protest on Saturday 4/19! xo
So much going on, thank you, Lorette for the kind words and the wonderful memories of Mom2! What a remarkable group.
I'm out of the country and felt a lot of guilt, and a little FOMO. But, yes, doing good on the regular is as important. So, next time I'll see ya' there.
Count on it!
Amen. Great piece.